You know, I was thinking.

Salvation lies in bad Japanese sci-fi.

Seriously.

And Baltan-Seijin is the best Ultraman monster ever. He's like a big chunk of asparagus with big crab claws!

Actually, Baltan Seijin is rather like a large lobster with a glowing V stuck to his forehead. I'm not so much frightened that he'll hurt me as I'm frightened that he'll give me a really bad haircut.