News flash to spam emailers everywhere: You guys are fucking idiots. I mean it. I'm not talking about how you email 7,000 people and no one ever buys your product. It's not that. I'm talking about how you can't target SHIT. Kat touched on this earlier, but let's examine this subject line, shall we?

Subject: Jeremy, Why Should Men Have All the Fun?

Let's examine this critically, okay? By starting with the name Jeremy, we have established that I am, indeed, a man. The subject continues by asking why men should have all the fun. As a man, shouldn't I be interested in having fun? Congratulations, guys. P.S. I don't think I'll be buying a product called Vigel, intended to improve clitoral circulation. See, I don't HAVE a clitoris to improve. But in other news, the circulation in my penis is just fine.

I mentioned this email and my friend, the mighty, hentacle-bearing Amyzak told me about a similar circumstance. She told me, "It said Subject: Amy, would you like to be noticed? The body was about a penis enlargement procedure involving two pills and a pump. I mailed them back on that one, thanking them and telling them how I really need a penis enlargement. Mine's so small I didnt know I had one." :) You tell 'em, Amyzak!