Jesus hates MFO 5.0. How do I know this? He has made it completely impossible to get the spiffy new design online. Yes, I know I said I was going to update it once more with the 4.0 look, but I figured, "Hey, why not go all out and use the new design?" Well, I'll tell you why not. Because Jesus hates the new design.

I moved out of The Village on Saturday and left foggy San Francisco behind me. My computer came with me, but until today, the poor dear's been cooling its metaphorical heels in the garage below my mom's condo. Which was fine, until I wanted to update MFO. All of the articles ready to go (most of them by Maz) are rotting on my computar. I've been using (and liking) this snazzy laptop that my mom's old work never asked for back when they laid her off. I'm typing this message on said snazzy laptop. This laptop is using a magic wireless networking card to access el interneto. My desktop PC has a PCMCIA slot and its own wireless card, which naturally refuses to work. I tried feeding it the card from this laptop, but that also didn't work. Then I was going to burn the files for the update and the articles onto a CD, and pop the CD into this snazzy laptop and get it online that way. However, Nero has mysteriously vanished off my hard drive. Since my desktop machine is using Windows 98, that also means that you need a program like Nero if you want to burn files onto a CD. So that was right out. Then I figured why not be old school and use a floppy? Why not?

BECAUSE JESUS HATES MFO 5.0.

This snazzy laptop has both a floppy drive and a DVD-ROM drive. Unfortunately, both cannot coexist in the laptop, so it's one or the other. At the moment, it's the DVD-ROM drive. The floppy drive must have gone into hiding because it's NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

So I figured, well, I could make my desktop machine dial-up and upload the files that way! Well, that would be fine, except that there's no phone jack in reach of my desktop machine. Nor is there any way to get a Cat 5 to it, save dragging cables through my mom's room, where she is currently asleep. So I figured I could always drag out my hulking ancient IBM ThinkPad. It may be slow, but it can survive depleted uranium rounds. So, I dragged it into the kitchen, hooked it up the phone line, and was about to dial the ISP when I realized I didn't know the username and password. So I hopped over to this computer to check. I got the username, but the password was hidden behind those diabolical ******'s. I remembered that I had this program called Snadboy's Revelation that showed you want was behind those little fuckers, so I downloaded it and it totally failed to work. Yay!

Then I figured the password out by counting the number of *'s.

So I was all set to go, and I told the IBM ThinkPad to dial (while also using it as a flak jacket), and it steadfastly refused to acknowledge the existence of the modem.

Sometimes I really, really hate computers.