Okay, so like, I found something new, yoyo. Check it out!

Donkey Prostitutes In The Muthafucking Hizouse, Yo

HTML is sexy. Well. Except when it's on THIS particular site. Here it looks like a fucking crime against mankind. And donkeykind, but we'll get into that in a minute.

The first thing I saw when I connected to this website was a bunch of fucking black boxes flying around like the monoliths from 2010: Another Space Odyssey. On crack.

Okay. I hate it when shit moves or makes noise when I connect. First of all, it's just a stupid special effect that is nothing but a distraction. It keeps you from noticing the actual content of the website. It's like, "Wow! That's cool! I totally don't notice that this website is a fucking vapid WASTELAND just because there's fucking flying boxes zooming around my fucking screen like houseflies who just ODed on fucking meth amphetamines! This is fucking cool, yo."

Jesus Christ. Grow the fuck up. And stop watching George Lucas movies. That man is a shitfucker.

I hope you never fucking reproduce.

Moving along, let's talk about the shitfucking setup. Yeah, I like a fucking navigation bar with SIX HUNDRED DIFFERENT OPTIONS, NONE OF WHICH ARE REMOTELY INTERESTING! YEAH! Way to kick ass. This isn't fucking Yahoo!, assmonkey. I don't need a fucking list of links to the six hundred least interesting websites ever.

By the way. Slashdot sucks. People only read it because they want to appear 7331. Being 7331 is for people who will never ever come in contact with a vagina save the one they were birthed from.

Let's start with the most recent log from No Testicles Chris. It goes a little something like this, "'I now present to you "Things I Drew on my Arms While Drunk'."

Oh, brilliant. We really need the Internet polluted by what the hell you did while drunk. We really need a lot more websites like this. It could be www.ipukedallovermygirlfriend.com or www.ihadsexwithamanbyaccident.com.

"5) 'GREG IS RETARD' on my palm. Ohhhh, memories."

Greg? How about YOU are a retard. In fact... YOU ARE MORON!


"1) All I wrote on my right arm was 'WONK' really, really big."

This is obviously a clever code word for "I LIKE TO FUCK CHICKENS UP THE ASS." Actually, that's interesting. Why? I'm told that chickens only have ONE hole. This is a multi-purpose hole used for the interesting melding of shit and piss as well as for fucking. Yummy.

"I believe I did all of this at In N Out, which makes it all the more funny."

Is it just me, or does In N Out sound like a porn movie theatre?

Since I'm too fucking angry to copy any more of this shitty site here, let me just give you the Reader's Fucking Digest version. Here it goes: I got drunk by myself. I did stupid things and embarrassed my ignorant, slutty self. I made lots of shitty CG pictures. I played Jedi Knight II with a joystick. Which was lodged in my rectum.

I recommend suicide. It really is the only course of action left to you at this point.