I love the Internet. I get the best email.

This one is awesome.

Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2002 01:10:39 -0800 (PST)
From: fkamangar (fkamangar@ucdavis.edu)
To: ginrai@masterforce.org
Subject: Japanese girl VS playboy

That's it. There's no body. Just... Japanese girl VS playboy. What the fuck? Are you trying to tell me something about a lawsuit some Japanese girl filed against Playboy or something? I don't get it. The thing that impresses me most about this no doubt well thought out email is that it is from a student at UC Davis. Now, the mighty Hellbunny goes there. So do a lot of morons, apparently. Or maybe it was someone she knows there or something. I don't know. I hope whoever sent it to me will email again and include a body to the message so I can figure out what the fuck the letter was supposed to be about. I thought it was going to be spam, but I don't think so. There was no ad.



Okay, see her? Recognize her? Yeah, that's the chick who starred in Clarissa Explains It All on Nickelodean back in the day and later in Sabrina the Teenage Witch. (Is Sabrina still on the air? I don't know... I stopped watching it after the first season.) I used to be infatuated with her. Hell, you have to admit that she was really hot circa the final episodes of Clarissa. Like I mentioned above, I watched Sabrina for the first season, until I got over it. (Well, I had a slight reason to watch it aside from the lead actress... one of the writers for the show was Trace Beaulieu aka Dr. Forrester and Crow T. Robot from Mystery Science Theater 3000.)

Anyway, it was just perfect that Mindless Self Indulgence had a song entitled 'Clarissa' on their Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy album (which I got like 8 months before it came out and before they remixed and produced the shit out of it). It was about Clarissa and sex and stuff. One of the lines, apparently from Clarissa's point of view is directed at her brother from the show: "Cum on me, Furgeson". The surpreme irony in all of this is in the email I received today. Ready? Here goes!

Date: Thu, 21 Nov 2002 04:37:03 -0600
From: Clarissa (cissy28_goodlay@hotmail.com)
To: deadphrog@masterforce.org
Subject: Spray your white yummy cum all over my pretty face!!

Isn't that fucking priceless? Yeah. Apparently Clarissa wants me to cum on her face now. I haven't reproduced the body of the email here because it's the same boring spam shit I've gotten hundreds of time, but it's just hilarious that this email is from Clarissa.

We have a brand spanking new edition of Masterforce.org for you peoples! This week is kind of like all the leftovers from Halloween. Hope you enjoy it! I thought Nosferatu was pretty good, but my friends hated it! The original Dracula movie is great... to make fun of.

And that Optimus bootleg? I found one almost identical to it at the bottom of the shitty cheap discount toys bin at Kaybee. It was not in a package, had no weapons or other accessories, and was missing an arm. I felt sorry for it, so I asked the people at the store how much it was. They couldn't find any reference to it in their system so I got it for free. Yay!

Oh yeah. And one of our articles this week has two girls kissing in it, which makes our site the best one ever.

No, don't worry Bren. Detroit sucks ass.

I see. They are actually pretty good. Not exactly my best cup of tea, but still pretty good. Much better than most of the other shit now. Oh well. We still have uh... The Vines, Electric Soft Parade and some others doing justice to British music. Huzzah!

- Ian